Culturally Irrelevant

This idea started during a recent conversation with Tom McClung, a good friend of mine who was recently visiting from Texas. We were walking out of Panera when he hit me with this really interesting idea about thought patterns and how they affect our marriages. That got the ball rolling for me. The very next evening during a meeting at our house, one of our good friends, Cori, talked about the power of thoughts. Here’s a quick highlight:

Through events in my past, I have developed thoughts, subconscious ones, that have grown fruit and dictated my actions in certain areas. I believe God is wanting to do a redemptive work in our minds by exposing wrong thinking and replace the law of sin with His law of grace, mercy, love, and righteousness.

Ok, so put the two concepts together. We habitually tell ourselves stories that lock us into harmful thought patterns that keep us from experiencing freedom in Christ. Wow! Examples. My wife does something I don’t like, maybe it’s something she does a lot, and I subconsciously tell myself a story about why she’s doing it and what it means. The story may be completely untrue, but after I tell myself the same story enough times, it’s as good as true. It has the same power as if it had actually happened.

Take it a step farther. A little girl is abused physically or verbally as a child and never really addresses the emotional wounds. Fast-forward a couple few decades. Her husband says something that really makes her mad and she doesn’t know exactly why. She stomps out, issue unresolved, and does some busy work so she can think. Now the ball gets rolling and she starts telling herself this story about why he said that, what he meant, why she’s justified in being angry and why he needs to grovel and beg for forgiveness. Even if the story isn’t real and that wasn’t really his motivation, it might as well be true to her. And they’re no closer to getting down to the root issues of the frustration, anger and miscommunication.

We all tell ourselves stories at some level. About other people and even about ourselves. Usually these stories aren’t true and they sabatoge healthy communication. A good start for me has been to intercept these stories, to nip them in the bud before they have a chance to grow, and work at getting to the truth instead. A simple example in my life is deciding not to believe my wife is always late for things because she doesn’t value being on time like I do. Instead, I ask what I can do differently to give her the time she needs before we leave. Or it can go as deep as talking openly about major unresolved issues in the past that hamstring the present. Sometimes we need to turn off the imaginary story and just go to the Father and pour out what really hurts and trust that, in time, he’ll open up some things we haven’t seen before.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10)

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2)

Thanks, Tom, for the insight. And thanks Cori for following God and bravely exploring new territory in your own life so that we can glean from the wisdom and freedom you’re discovering.