Culturally Irrelevant

I can’t think of a better healing story than the one I’m about to share…and on Easter! It’s longer than a blog post should be, but it’s worth it. Here’s a story written by my Dad about healing in a family (my family), restoration in the closest of relationships (between a Dad and his children, between a husband and his wife) and a fulfillment of Malachi 4:5-6:

“See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the Lord comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.”

I can’t even begin to say how proud I am of my own Father. Dads are the door to their family. They let in either blessing or cursing, peace or confusion, life or death. I am so thankful that God has given me a natural Father who has sought after life and allowed blessing and healing in our family’s front door.

Clay - “My pastor, Jim Hennesy of Trinity Church in Cedar Hill, Texas, announced that his theme for 2009 is ‘Wholeness.’ This confirmed a word I had received over Christmas for our family that this would be a year of healing in all areas. It continues and expands a personal journey of relational healing that began for me in last fall’s Bethesda class at the church.

I had the Bethesda training several years ago when my wife, superintendent of Trinity Christian School, brought in Dominic Herbst, the founder of the program, to train TCS staff and others. I shared at a table discussion an early wounding I received as a toddler that my mother had mentioned to me. But I didn’t really know any details and just talking about it didn’t seem to have any effect on me. It was the only thing I could think of at the time, since I couldn’t remember any other significant traumatic incidents in my otherwise normal childhood.

Since then, I have learned even more about the Bethesda relational healing process through helping my wife with her dissertation on the impact of the Bethesda program in the school, and benefiting from the videos and discussion in the Bethesda class at church last fall. However, it all became very real in October when I received a letter from my mother. I think a discussion she had earlier with my wife about Bethesda might have prompted it. The letter detailed how, at the age of 15 months, I was put in the care of three other families over a six month period because of my mother’s health issues that were related to my brother’s birth. My father moved to another town to begin a new business, and I only saw my mother once during this time.

As I learned from the Bethesda class, this was a classic case of abandonment during the critical time that a child is supposed to be bonding with his mother. Even though I have no memory of this period, it had a dramatic impact on my personality, i.e., my soul. I changed from being cheerful and outgoing to being quiet and resentful, as evidenced by a serious habit of biting others while a toddler and having a difficult relationship with my mother even through the teen years. This continued into my adult life with the “fruit” of a critical spirit, outbursts of anger, lack of open communication with my wife and children, and a reluctance to reach out to friends and co-workers.

When I received my mother’s letter, I knew how important it was because of the Bethesda training, so I traveled to Tulsa the next weekend. We had a wonderful visit and discussed my childhood and hers for several hours. I prayed for her and then she prayed for me. Her prayer was so anointed that I cried for the first time as a man in her presence. I knew from the Bethesda training that this was a part of the supernatural grieving process that would start me on the road to relational healing. The next day in Tulsa, I visited one of my sons to confess my offenses towards him. I asked him to bring up other incidents that I had forgotten so I could repent and ask his forgiveness. We also prayed and cried.

Then the following day, back in Cedar Hill, I had a similar conversation with my daughter, followed in the next few weeks by visits with my other two sons and one of their wives. It was very humbling, or should I say humiliating, to listen to their sensitive but frank memories, some distant, some very recent, of my dysfunctional and offensive behaviors toward them and their families. The Holy Spirit prompted me not to even try to defend myself, which unfortunately was not hard to do since my guilt was so apparent. Of course, I saved the hardest confessional until last, the one with my wife. She had done her homework, and I was devastated to be reminded of just a few examples of the many, many incidents in which I had offended her over our forty years together.

After each of these conversations I wrote a letter reaffirming my confessions, asking again for their forgiveness, and committing to building a healthy relationship with them and their families from now on.

This experience has been the most significant in my Christian walk after my salvation and being filled with the Spirit. While I’m ashamed to admit that I blew it so badly for so long, even as a Spirit-filled believer, I am forever grateful to my Savior who provided the perfect opportunity for not just my healing, but my entire family’s. He has given me a supernatural ability to enjoy and love in a new way my mother, my wife, our four children and their spouses, and our nine grand-children, and to be more open and warm toward others. I know, like salvation, that this is just the beginning of a process, and that there will be tests and occasional stumbles. But I also know now that I was destined for wholeness in this life, and I am determined, by His Grace, to receive every good and perfect gift that He has for me.”

This testimony is also available online at Bethesda Family Services Foundation.

Cori sustained an injury a few years ago that left parts of her wrist and hand crushed and weak. She wasn’t able to continue in her profession because of it. One night after a teaching on healing, we laid hands on her hands and prayed. She felt nothing, but later that night she noticed that she had been holding her huge study Bible with her hand for a really long time. And it didn’t hurt! God led her to a personal trainer who worked with her on some exercises for her wrists. Previously she had a 10 pound weight restriction on her hands and wrists and couldn’t push herself away from a wall. Within just a few weeks of continuing to trust God and be faithful to her trainer’s instructions, she was able to do multiple sets of bench presses as well as floor push-ups. Here are some texts we’ve received from Cori over the past couple months: “Another wrist triumph! I did 3 sets of 10 girl push ups! Watch out Jack Lelane!” “A shout goes out to Him who sits on the throne! I did 3 sets of 10 bench presses using two 15 pound weights!” “Guess what I did? I used a kettle ball today! I am also doing 30 push ups off the floor. So much for that 10 pound weight restriction!”

Ben – I was in the bathroom for two hours straight (try not to laugh at the nature of my infirmity here:) The pain in my gut was worse than it had ever been in my entire life, worse than the gastritis I had as a kid or the hour long spasms I’d had off and on since college. It had been years since I was able to drink a cup of coffee or eat a steak or cheese pizza without serious consequences. This time the pain was only getting worse instead of better. But I sat there doubled over and said, “God, I won’t believe this pain more than I believe your promises. It hurts, but even if it never goes away, I’m not going to let it convince me that you’re a liar or that you don’t intend to heal me. God, I believe you want to heal me and I accept it regardless of what I feel.” I got back in bed, but the minute I laid down I shot back up and doubled over groaning. Katy woke up and began to read Scriptures and pray over me in the Spirit. I sat like this for about 10 minutes and then began to get really cold. I laid back in bed to see if I could get warm. My body began to shake and twitch uncontrollably. It felt like my appendix was about to burst or my stomach was coming apart. While she was on the phone getting some advice, I laid in bed and told God the pain didn’t matter. It actually made me mad and I refused to doubt. Suddenly, as we were seriously considering going to the ER, my whole body went limp, warmth returned and I fell asleep. It was days before I realized I’d been healed. Just to test it I drank 5 cups of coffee. When I didn’t get sick (not even a twinge of pain) I ate an entire steak along with a potato and biscuits. Nothing. No pain or discomfort. I slept like a baby and woke without even a sour stomach. Praise God! After years of what I believe was probably an ulcer, I was set free!

God is good and he is still in the healing business. He wants to heal and deliver people more than they want to be healed and delivered. Why? Because he’s reconciling the world to himself through Christ, and that reconciliation involves our whole person. It will ultimately be complete when Christ returns for his bride and the world is judged with righteousness. Only then will the fullness of our salvation be realized. But until then we’re experiencing a daily salvation of our whole man, more and more and from glory to glory according to our faith.

If you’re not totally sure this is true, read through Matthew, Mark, Luke-Acts and John in one sitting. It might take a bit, but it will probably be one of the most eye-opening experiences you’ve ever had. Healing and power encounters (supernatural deliverance, authority over demons and various other miracles) are part of God’s kingdom, part of how he continually testifies to his body and to the world that Jesus is alive, that the Holy Spirit is at work in the earth and that the gospel is a relevant message of power and hope.

Water that down even a drop and you’ve got less than he intended, less than is in his heart and less than what he promised through Christ. Believe it in its entirity, and let go of everything else, and you’ll see and experience it for yourself.

We’ve been experiencing God’s healing for a while now, and I just can’t shut up about it. I’d like to take the next few posts to tell you some stories. These are stories about physical and relational healing that are nothing short of God’s miraculous touch in the lives of broken and dependent people. I hope you’re encouraged by them as I have been.

Tony suffered from years of intense, chronic back pain. He had been going to the chiropractor regularly for months and couldn’t sit in one position for more than a couple minutes. It was exhausting him and stealing his joy. We prayed for him multiple times for weeks without seeing any changes. Finally, we just rested in the assurance that God knew and that he would heal him in his own timing. Weeks later, one of the guys laid hands on him at a meeting and the joy of the Holy Spirit filled the room. We laughed as Tony’s back was effortlessly, miraculously and permanently healed. He was running around the room and rolling on the floor like a kid! The best part was when he realized he could tear up his cold pack.

Rick is a master mechanic whose ribs had been popping out of place multiple times a week. He was stiff, in chronic, excruciating pain and wasn’t able to do his job properly. God spoke to him about some lifestyle changes and he immediately obeyed. Soon after that we laid hands on him and prayed. God gave one of the ladies a word of knowledge about a specific muscle that needed to be healed. She spoke to it to loosen and he immediately gained several inches on his stretch. A few days later he attended a healing service and God touched him again in a powerful way. It’s been a couple months now and Rick’s ribs have stopped popping out of place, he can easily touch his toes for the first time in years, and he’s been to the chiropractor maybe once or twice since then. Ask him about how God healed him and you’ll see a huge smile break across his face. Then just sit back and relax. He’ll gladly tell you all about it.

Katy sat on the floor in one of our meetings, having dealt with mild skulliosis most of her life. Hands were laid on her and she immediately felt a physical shift in her back. Since then she hasn’t noticed any of the discomfort or pain she had before, and her posture has improved.

Allen is my next door neighbor. I was out talking to him recently and he told me how he had suffered from neuropathy of the feet for 15 years. He said it felt like a severe 24/7 sunburn on the tops of his feet. One day he prayed and asked God to remove the pain. The next morning he noticed that his feet didn’t hurt. It’s been two pain-free months now. His eyes welled up with tears as he told me about how personal God has become, how grateful he is and how much he realizes now that God loves him.

This idea started during a recent conversation with Tom McClung, a good friend of mine who was recently visiting from Texas. We were walking out of Panera when he hit me with this really interesting idea about thought patterns and how they affect our marriages. That got the ball rolling for me. The very next evening during a meeting at our house, one of our good friends, Cori, talked about the power of thoughts. Here’s a quick highlight:

Through events in my past, I have developed thoughts, subconscious ones, that have grown fruit and dictated my actions in certain areas. I believe God is wanting to do a redemptive work in our minds by exposing wrong thinking and replace the law of sin with His law of grace, mercy, love, and righteousness.

Ok, so put the two concepts together. We habitually tell ourselves stories that lock us into harmful thought patterns that keep us from experiencing freedom in Christ. Wow! Examples. My wife does something I don’t like, maybe it’s something she does a lot, and I subconsciously tell myself a story about why she’s doing it and what it means. The story may be completely untrue, but after I tell myself the same story enough times, it’s as good as true. It has the same power as if it had actually happened.

Take it a step farther. A little girl is abused physically or verbally as a child and never really addresses the emotional wounds. Fast-forward a couple few decades. Her husband says something that really makes her mad and she doesn’t know exactly why. She stomps out, issue unresolved, and does some busy work so she can think. Now the ball gets rolling and she starts telling herself this story about why he said that, what he meant, why she’s justified in being angry and why he needs to grovel and beg for forgiveness. Even if the story isn’t real and that wasn’t really his motivation, it might as well be true to her. And they’re no closer to getting down to the root issues of the frustration, anger and miscommunication.

We all tell ourselves stories at some level. About other people and even about ourselves. Usually these stories aren’t true and they sabatoge healthy communication. A good start for me has been to intercept these stories, to nip them in the bud before they have a chance to grow, and work at getting to the truth instead. A simple example in my life is deciding not to believe my wife is always late for things because she doesn’t value being on time like I do. Instead, I ask what I can do differently to give her the time she needs before we leave. Or it can go as deep as talking openly about major unresolved issues in the past that hamstring the present. Sometimes we need to turn off the imaginary story and just go to the Father and pour out what really hurts and trust that, in time, he’ll open up some things we haven’t seen before.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10)

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2)

Thanks, Tom, for the insight. And thanks Cori for following God and bravely exploring new territory in your own life so that we can glean from the wisdom and freedom you’re discovering.

part 1 – the yoke

 

yoke-making, old school

Jesus said, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me…for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matt 11:29)

I’ve taken on so many different yokes in my life. While my yokes are very different than those others have carried, they’ve been burdens nonetheless. Legalism: I served God for many years thinking I had to be disciplined enough to earn his approval. Fear of man: I served leaders for years with a deep need for their approval. Criticism: still struggling with this one. But why? When Jesus says his yoke is easy. Following him, being in relationship with him, being obedient to him is supposed to be “easy” in a sense.

The best picture I’ve gotten lately of Jesus’ yoke is in John 15. Here, Jesus is the true vine and we are the branches. My job is to remain in him, to stay put in his love by being obedient to his commands. That’s it. Intimacy with Jesus through constant remaining and obedience as he speaks. This intimacy is the yoke I wear. Sounds simple, but it’s the place where life comes from, where direction and power come from. And here are the promises if I stay in this place of love and intimacy: I will bear much fruit (v. 5), I will ask whatever I wish, and it will be given (v. 7) and his joy will be in me to complete my joy (v. 11).

If I pull any load from any other yoke, then I’m doing it in my own strength. Picture an ox that takes off the farmer’s yoke and then turns around and bites down on his load and tries to carry it along with his teeth. Wow! Even if it’s a fairly light load, that’s going to be one unhappy ox with no teeth and a load that’s not going to move much. Funny, but it’s what I’ve done with years of my own life.

Farmers used to make their yokes by hand. It takes a huge block of stout wood and a tremendous amount of work and time to make a yoke that can stand up to the pressure a mature ox puts on it. This place of heart intimacy with Jesus can withstand a lot of pressure, which is why God doesn’t mind taking years to form it in me. Once this place is formed, anything is possible.

Here’s what I’m asking myself these days. What are some areas in my life that are not easy or light? What in my life is creating hardness, difficulty and stress? Am I willfully carrying a yoke that Jesus hasn’t given me? If so, where did that yoke come from? Why did I accept it?

Hoowee! Somebody get me a snowcone. This stuff is NOT nice. It’s the end of Day Two on the lemonade cleanse, and we’re feeling pretty good. Katy gagged on her saltwater this morning, leaving about 16 ounces untouched so I could ridicule her for her pansiness. Don’t make that face…it’s all I’ve got. She beats me in ping-pong, basketball, cards, and now Pente…you’d be gloating, too.
 
But seriously, the cayenne can definitely clean up. Katy had a head cold and some congestion the day before we started and it’s all clear now. My allergy symptoms are basically gone, especially since I’ve started using the Neti Pot.
 
I went to bed last night exhausted with some pretty sore muscles. Struggled with a pounding headache all day, but I’m assuming that’s coffee withdraws. Other than that, we seem to be over the initial hungry-like-crazy hump and now heading into the feeling tired phase. We’ll be going to bed early tonight, fo sho.

Jesus was both relevant and irrelevant at the same time. Relevant to the sick, the demon possessed, the broken and the lost. But irrelevant, in most cases, to the religious, the politically motivated, the powerful and the wealthy elite. Jesus was relevant because he communicated the only thing that really mattered in life…God’s kingdom, God’s reality. He healed sick people, which was relevant because people don’t like being in pain. He delivered the demon possessed, which was relevant because most people don’t like being possessed or harrassed by evil beings. Jesus was ultimately relevant because he told people that they needed to turn away from their sins so that they wouldn’t suffer the eternal punishment their sins deserved, which was extremely relevant to a few people who didn’t want to be separated from God forever.

Jesus was obviously aware of the customs of his day, the way people lived and what they were going through. This made him relevant to the masses. However, Jesus didn’t think or act the way everyone else in his generation did. The prevailing “culture” of his day was extremely religious, entrenched in generations of traditions that were irrelevant to God’s kingdom. By default, Jesus’ relevance to his father’s kingdom made him irrelevant and even offensive to the leading systems of his day. Jesus was so relevant and irrelevant at the same time that he was both loved and hated, celebrated yet murdered.

So that’s Jesus, but what about us. If we were totally honest, we would have to admit that we’re much better at knowing our culture than knowing God. It’s so much easier to spend money at the mall, play with the latest technological gadget, work late again, get on Facebook, read the paper or just curl up in front of the TV than it is to spend time getting to know God. Why is that? What am I willing to give up for a while so that I can fully know and experience God?”

Dominic Herbst

My wife and I have been spending our Thursday nights watching a DVD series on relational healing by Dominic Herbst, founder of the Bethesda Family Services Foundation (I know, it’s not Heroes or CSI, but it’s changing our lives!). In the first couple videos, he says “The violations of a fallen world are constant and they are endless. It’s all about wounds to the soul. A dead spirit (a spirit that hasn’t been reconciled to God through Jesus Christ) leaves a soul to bounce around and be dictated to by the circumstances of life.” He also notes that for all of its knowledge about psychological problems, the world can’t see the source of inner sickness or the solution to that sickness.

My journey has taught me that the solution starts with knowing God and putting his kingdom first. Everything else in life, my identity, my relationships and my purpose, grows from that life-giving flow of knowing and experiencing God.

By culturally irrelevant I don’t mean shutting out culture, of course. It’s always a balance, but I find that when I’m seeking to know God and serve people, I just don’t have as much time to keep up with the latest and greatest. Sometimes being relevant (which is easily confused with being progressive or popular) doesn’t have anything to do with the latest and greatest. I love what C.S. Lewis says:

“We all want progress, but if you’re on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.”

I want the culture of the kingdom of God to bleed into my own and transform my heart, to change how I interact with my wife, my kids, my neighbors, my friends, my enemies and total strangers. I believe that his kingdom, if I’m truly seeking it first, can’t help but make me more relevant to people, not to what they want but what they truly need. I hope this blog will encourage you as it reflects my journey, as imperfect as it may be, to seek first the kingdom.